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Monday, March 30, 2009

Cloudy with a Chance of Fail

I felt the need to deviate from the usual geeky tone of this blog to alert you to a terrible occurrence. Many of you may be familiar with the beloved children's book, "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs." Well, they're making a movie of it.
I'm calling for a 98% chance of fail. Probably not financially, because America is stupid. But in every other aspect. For those of you not familiar with the original book, you will probably not understand. But if you have, watch the trailer, if you can bear it:
My response was as follows.
If the trailer is any indication, this movie heartlessly and mercilessly destroys and mangles the soul of a children's book that was and still is and always will be treasured by millions of children, including myself, for what? A cheap, two-bit 3D cheesefest, because Jimmy Neutron has already been done.
Gutting a book of all meaning, spirit, and substance for a bunch of gaudy pictures is hardly new to the movie industry, but rarely is it so perpetrated so thoroughly and shamelessly, to such a beautiful, precious target.
Now, I could be wrong. The movie could turn out okay. The scenes that are lifted straight from the book are decent. All they would have to do to avoid crushing the soul of countless children is cut out the first 75%, turn down the color saturation about 80%, cut out the main character or two, and re-frame the entire premise.

The idea of this movie just makes me sad. And angry. And upset. This book could conceivably be a movie, but it would have to be made carefully and lovingly by the likes of Tim Burton, à la Big Fish, not raped and pillaged for financial gain, because we can do stuff in 3D now.

I think I finally know how readers of V for Vendetta feel, and I apologize for enjoying that movie if it was anywhere nearly as heinous and adaptation as this.

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